Turning 40
i realised once again life has kept me on my toes this year. It is now just over a month since I turned 40 and my plans for a blog around my Birthday did not quite happen.
So here it is a month late.

People say life begins at 40 or if you watch Cougar Town 40 is the new 20.
However I have found myself reflecting on my life up until this point.

Years ago I used to work in pub while in college. The landlady , a lovely if not hard at times woman used to say. " You know the song I've been to paradise but I have never been to me" Unfortunately I could not remember it but her and her friend sang it on the Karaoke for me ," I feel it will be your life" !
The song has struck a cord throughout my life and now at 40 listening to the words maybe at the time she knew me better than I knew myself.

My version of song

I have been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run.
I may not of took the hand of a preacher man but he was a vicars son.
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free I have been to paradise but have never been to me.

I have not but to Nice but have been to the Isles of Greece and have sipped Champagne on a few yachts.
May not have moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo but in certainly have showed a few what I got .
I been undressed by Kings (well they were the kings of there own domain) and seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see.

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
I took the sweet life and never knew I be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring ( well up to 30) the subtle whoring that cost to much to be free

I may have been to paradise but wondered if I had every been to me .

In my 30's I was struck down by a series of health issues some more serious than others also my mother was getting older and her health was not that great.

I stopped running and though a struggle at times maybe I found the person I really was.

So at 40 even though I am still having battles with my body and what life throws at me I know that all my experiences have made me the strong person I am today.

To the New Year
Well I certainly have some fond and not so fond memories of this year. For me the previous two years had been very dark but somehow I am not sure when I managed to crawl my way out of the darkness and hit everything head on.
So 2011 good year??, well the start was promising won some major battles and found I may have something to look forward to. Ended up with a lovely Holiday in Cyprus.
Then as I have mentioned in my previous post everything went wrong and the later part of the year I found I had to move house and yet more battles have begun because of this.

So what do I wish for 2012 well healthier year be great. Spending more time with family and friends as life is so short.
Focusing on the things I love and getting my butt in gear to take the risks and put them out there.

Lifes a Roller Coaster and that's not just a song title
Last year a lot happened and it made me realize that the strength I thought had deserted me long ago was still there. I had become a victim to my health instead if being the victor. This year I have been when able and maybe at times pushing myself to hard focusing on the stuff that makes me happy.

I noticed the change after the events of last year I was still standing. So this year battles against people and companies had been won , I had a fabulous holiday, taking my writing to another level . However the universe likes to keep us on our toes.
Firstly was my operation and unfortunately it took me a long time to bounce back I was just getting there and had organized and nice family and friends meal for my Mums birthday.
Had a lovely evening and my Aunt ( mums sister) came up from Kent and they were going away to Lowestoft later in week as they do every year. A few days later I am rushing my Mums to hospital after she had to call an ambulance for my Aunt as she had a stroke. For over a week we wondered if she would recover. My cousin and her daughter came up and stayed with me.
Well my Aunt like me is stubborn and a fighter and despite what the doctors said she pulled through. After three weeks she was stable enough to to moved back to Kent. Hopefully i will be going down there soon to see her. However she still cant talk or walk but everyday we see little improvements just over five weeks on.
i love my Aunt dearly and she has helped me through some very dark times in my life, my cousin and I are very close so we have been supporting each other .

Again it has reminded me life it so short one moment to the next grab hold while you can live life don't just exist in it:)

However if that wasn't enough my Mum had a serious health scare as well , one of my close friends from Childhood cancer as returned and top it off our landlord is selling the house so we have to move.. How many of the top ten on the stress scale have I hit !!

Road to recovery
Well the road has been long but I seem to be getting back on my feet after the operation I even managed to make it to a friends party on Friday night and had a fab time glad I had my stitches out or would have busted them we all were laughing so hard . To tell you the truth it was the best medicine . Now I need to get over this cold and will be back to myself if I could only remember what that was :)

Am currently living on a high of pain killers sleeping the day away and hoping I will be back on my feet in no time after my operation last Friday. As usual I ended up being kept in overnight as the anaesthetic and me don't seem to agree with each other. By Saturday afternoon I was home tucked up in bed with my home comforts . I certainly am going to be doing little to nothing for the next week or more but at least I can use the time to write.

The Muse is back
This enforced down time has certainly given the chance to do something I love , writing and have rewritten some of my older stories. However all the stories will have to wait awhile as once again going in Hospital for another operation
I also intend to finish off ones I have left hanging which I am sorry for those who wanted to know what happened next.

You never expect your life to take you off plan but it does and for the last few years mine has done just that . last year I had a terrible year.

This year so far certainly has been interesting I for one am not sure what is round the coroner just hanging in there for the ride

finding the pause button
This year is flying by the holiday was booked and before i knew it I was on a plane heading to Cyprus. It was a great holiday but barely had time to recharge the batteries then back to the U.K . Hospital appointments and I have my operation in three weeks time.
I anyone would be I am little worried but hopefully it will halp with some of the problems I have been having .

Now i need to pause so i can get my stuff sorted before I go in and am laid up for the weeks that follow until I can make a complete recovery.

Ok maybe life hasn't paused but need to slow things down for awhile

Heather peace concert
Recently my social calender has been pretty busy which is great as I do hate being bored, One of the events booked was a concert in Birmingham to see the lovely Heather Peace. She has been in such shows as Londons Burning, Ultimate Force and now Lip Service. She also has a great voice too. Jumping on the success train of Lip service she did a few gigs that sold out very quickly so when she annouced a tour I managed to get a ticket along wth a few friends to her Birmingham gig.

Heather is and avid tweeter fan so it was estblished early on she was going to be supported by Jill Jackson who was once the front woman for a band called Speedway ( there version of genie in a bottle was far better than Christina's in my option). She is also a very established song writer , who last summer did not know the track I need you now by Lady Antebellum.

Anyway Jill came out first and I got a feeling she had her own fan base there to , for a support act she was fab and realy liked her material as did the crowd who you could tell warmed to her scottish wit and charm immediately . Then it was Ms Peace who as well as herself she was again supported by Jill and a drummer on some tracks . Heather was charming almost goofy and the banter between Jill and her had the crowd in fits or laughter.

They sang some of there own stuff and covered songs from Ain't no Sunshine to Te amo. Of course the crowd wanted more and Jlll and Heather did a duet of one of Jill's songs Forgive me which had to be my personal favourite of the night.


I was sad when it ended as were the crowd and will definately go see her again when she does another tour.

Oh the other good thing was got to see her outside first before concert :)

This is interesting certainly quite true I think :0)
Your rainbow is shaded orange.


What is says about you: You are a strong person. You appreciate a challenge. Others are amazed at how you don't give up.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

Xenafest and love of xena the bond continues:)
5th March 2011 the 22nd Xenafest was held and the usual band of suspects gathered to drink be merry spend money, win at the quiz and laugh and spend more money at the Auction.

On the return journey my friend and I were discussing how amazing that not only has the show brought so many people together but how even now its not just a fest but a gathering of friends from far and wide. Some come and go , new faces appear the spirit is still the same and over the years we have raised money for various charities , which i am proud to be part of.

late the night after going to bed early and waking up at stupid o'clock I remembered how I discovered the show...

In 1995 I discovered a love for the states after spending nearly a month in California with a friend where , I learned to surf , nearly got eaten by a shark.. well thought it was one at the time only to discover it was seal. Visited la la land , San francisco, Santa Cruz ( not a lost boy in site) Did Disney and told Mickey mouse where to go !.
So I had a plan to work out there , Au pair was one of the easy options at the time so I applied and in Jan 1996 I heading out there. While I was an Au pair I first heard the words you remind me of xena ! Who ??? I watched one episode and I quite liked it. Unfortunately due to partying to much I did not see a lot but the xena mantle stuck with me there. Fast forward to a nasty car accident and I was returned to England with a Fractured pelvis.
One day looking throught the channels an advert came on for Hercules and Xena.
I became hooked and the bizarre twist to the story was the star of the show suffered to similar injury as mine about the same time !.

I realized my first peek at the show had not done it justice Xena like me was a woman fighting the darkness within her and the show stayed with me as I came full circle from a very dark period in my life.
Even when I worked in Gyms I was called Xena , apparently being tall , dark and brooding i fit the bill . I was also faltered when on meeting radclyffe she said i could be a character out of one of her books.( the earlier novels ).
I had also discovered fan fic and meet many people making some firm friends. Then I heard about the fests the first one I went to was the 2nd i am told then I didn't hear anymore and by accident stubbled across Xenaville and learned they were still going on . I brought various friends along but Jools who when we worked together had called Xena came to love the show like I did and even now continues to go with me.

When the show ended I had the dark/light Charkram tattooed on my shoulder, my journey I felt at the time had come full circle.

These last few years have been hard and I will say having had the xenafest weekends has helped lift my spirits more than anyone realises. It did the same this past weekend .

Xena Rules :)


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